One year of Agile Bullshit

Noel Warnell and I started writing about the Agile Bullshit cards. Every week we take 1 or more cards and share our opinion about it. This is the chronological view. If you prefer the view by card, check this page.

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• That won’t work here, we’re different (Koen - May 30th, 2023)

• 3 cards related to story slicing (Koen - June 7th 2023)

  • Our stories take about 3 sprints to deliver

  • We can’t finish stories in a sprint, so we’re going Kanban

  • You can’t split that story or it loses its value

• Everything is a Must (Koen - June 15th 2023)

• We don’t test until everything is complete (Koen - June 21st 2023)

• Yeah yeah, but that's just theory (Noel - June 28th 2023)

• We decided to drop our retrospectives (Koen - July 5th 2023)

• Zero slack time / 100% capacity allocation (Noel - July 12th 2023)

• The Scrum Master leads the Daily Scrum (Koen - July 19th 2023)

• Don't worry about policies, let's just be pragmatic (Noel - July 26th 2023)
  (My repost with some extra comments)

• We're agile, so let's not worry about documentation (Koen - August 2nd 2023)

• We can't release every iteration (Noel - August 9th 2023)
  (My repost with some extra comments)

• One backlog for the team and another one for the business (Koen - August 16th 2023)

• 1 story point = 1 day (Noel - August 23th 2023)

• As a DBA I want to... "user" story (Koen - August 30th 2023)

• Detailed 1 year plan (Noel - September 6th 2023)
  (My repost with extra comments)

• Our sprint lengths vary (Koen - September 13th 2023)
  (Repost of Noel with extra comments)

• We have an estimation committee (Noel - September 20th 2023)

• Comparing velocity across teams (Koen - September 27th 2023)

• Don't worry about sustainable pace, just keep going (Noel - October 4th 2023)

• T-shirt sizes? But we can't add them together (Koen - October 11th 2023)

• Only the Scrum Master updates Jira (Noel - October 18th 2023)

• We only review the burndown chart at the end of the sprint (Koen - October 25th 2023)

• Let's schedule this story for the sprint after the next (Noel - November 1st 2023)

• The business wants to know how long it is going to take, not relative effort (Koen - November 8th 2023)

• Well, on my PC it works fine (Noel - November 15th 2023)
  (My repost with some extra comments)

• We must standarize the estimates across all teams (Koen - November 22nd 2023)

• Agile? Oh we've been doing that for ages... (Noel - November 29th 2023)

• Same old retrospective (Koen - December 6th 2023)

• That's not my job (Noel - December 13th 2023)

• Team members cherry-pick their work (Koen - December 20th 2023)

• We're doing the Spotify model (Noel - December 27th 2023)

• No concept of experimentation (Koen - January 3rd 2024)

• That's ot what we do here, why should we change? (Noel - January 11th 2024)

• The backlog is going stale (Koen - January 17th 2024)

• We don't need a Scrum master, our Lead Dev can do that (Noel - January 24th 2024)

• No stakeholders are present at the end of sprint review (Koen - January 31st 2024)
  Noel's repost with extra comments

• We only communicate with stakeholders every 2 weeks (Noel - February 7th 2024)

• Let's create the full backlog before we start
  We can predict the future (Koen - February 14th 2024)

• We need to maximize output (Noel - February 21st 2024)

• No accountability on retrospective actions (Koen - February 28th 2024)

• Definition of Done = handed over to testing (Noel - March 6th 2024)

• No need to speak to our customers, we know what they want (Koen - March 13th 2024)

• We must abide by the ceremonies (Koen - March 20th 2024)

• The product owner chooses the tools for the team (Noel - March 27th 2024)

• This is our Minimum Viable Product v3 (Koen - April 3rd 2024)

• We don't bother about sprint goals (Noel - April 10th 2024)

• Let's deploy all our code at once (Koen - April 17th 2024)

• Scrum master assigns work to the team (Noel - April 24th 2024)

• Every story must be spiked (Koen - April 30th 2024)

• Referring to ticket numbers only (Noel - May 8th 2024)

• Hardening sprints (Koen - May 15th 2024)

• PO not focused on value (Noel - May 22nd 2024)

• Of course the PO is not full-time (Koen - May 29th 2024)